All Christmas to me is appreciating things. Appeciating people, appreciating happiness, appreciating life. I actually wish we didn't exchange presents. It makes little kids believe that Christmas is all about getting. And maybe when they get older, giving. But I think it's way more then that. Not "Christmas is the season of giving" But "Christmas is the season of appreciating". It's not hard to go out and buy stuff for people. And all that's doing is feeding the comericial buisnesses. What's hard is to sit back and think "Wow, look at all the stuff I have. I don't need anything else to be happy."
And for Jesus. I'm not sure what I think. Sure, we're supposedly celebrating his birth, but we should be celebrating more how he taught us to love. Celebrating his whole life, not just the start of that. And not by shooting down everyone who doesn't believe what we think. That's totally wrong, in my opininon. If you believe in Jesus, then show it by loving everyone like he did. Even then people who oppose what you think. Help people for no reason except to make things better for them.
Which is what a "good" person should do anyway.
I mean, yeah, I believe in God. I believe in Jesus, sure. But what I believe in most is being a good person. Being humble. And for me, that's being like Jesus. But it doesn't have to be for everyone.
I mean, I'm a hypocrite, sure. Because I like getting stuff. And I like buying stuff. But I also can see more then that. I can see going to a soup kitchen on Christmas night. I can see appreciating what I have, and helping others just to help. Not for any personal gain, except to make them feel better.
I think we're so blinded by the LED Christmas lights, that we can't see the deeper meaning of "Christmas". Or life.

Every 14th of the month my heart sinks a little bit lower. I know that you're gone forever, and I just keep growing older. You're not here, and every winter seems a little bit colder.

Perhaps part of a poem? But for now, just the thoughts going throught my head. I miss my Grandpa so much. It's been 11 months since he died. Christmas is going to be so hard...

my mom found the weed.
now i have no escape.
fuck.

tried to kill myself.
5 days in the hospital.
prozac/anti-depressant.
he wanted me to die.
i can't eat.
seriously.
or sleep.
fuck.

tonight may just be that night.
does God punish suicides?
can someone please tell me that?