pain doesnt hurt when its all you've ever felt.
such an "emo" statement, but its so true.
pain is so familiar to me. i have to feel it.
because once i'm pain-free... once i think i'll never get hurt again... once i think i'm happy...
the pain comes back...
and my world comes crashing down.
every time.
i'm fucking SICK of getting my hopes up, only to be dissappointed.
its the story of my fucking life.
all i ever do is walk on eggshells; waiting for the next crash.
i don't know what i'd do if i was happy.
i can't "get help". that would change my life. i cant give up the pain.. because that would be like giving up my life.
"sometimes it takes more guts to give up then to hold on"
and its way more guts then i have at the moment.
so... this is why i make myself feel pain; this is why i cut.
it's better that everything stays the same... i cant take the rises and falls anymore.
i've given up on ever being truely happy.

^{i have [another] headache. it seems i get them every day now, doesnt it...?}